Tories Star in Extended Panto Season

Written by Chris Inge and published in Wells Journal on Thu 12th Mar 2009

Sir,

Readers of these columns may be forgiven for thinking that the Pantomime Season is still with us, such has been the non-stop knockabout and slapstick provided by Tory thespians from Mendip and County.

We have had Mother Goose, played by Bill Mackay, struggling to explain how Mendip's once-golden egg was tarnished and broken, not by the hams on today's cabinet, oh no, but by a cruel and deceitful government. Roars of laughter for that one.

Then along came naughty Buttons, played by John Osman, pretending to sweet reason and helpfulness while acting the Poison Dwarf with a clutch of selective and misleading statistics and the eye-catching claim that £80,000 would be enough to promote the five Mendip towns. With or without their TICs, Buttons?

He seemed to have strayed on to the set of Aladdin, where Ron Forrest, as Wishy-Washy, was tying himself in knots trying to link his alignment with UKIP on the EU with a non-existent plot to impose unitary government by the back door. The wish-granting Genie of the Lamp made an improbable appearance in the shape of Cllr Barron, who had us splitting our sides with his new mantra, "This Conservative Council is running a tight and disciplined ship". Tears of laughter best describes his value-for-money line. What value? What money?

"It's all gone!" we howled. "Oh no, it hasn't!" screamed the thesps who, having made one in six staff redundant and hence "seximated" services now claim Mendip is on an even, if empty, keel.

Not so, Somerset, claims Widow Twankey, aka Cllr Hewitt-Cooper, in today's Journal. Apparently, we're all going to hell in a bucket laden with £341-million of debt and bouncing uncomfortably over potholes. Let me help the troubled Widow with her problems since she is clearly weighed down with them.

Far from proposing a unitary by the back or any other door, Rob Reed called on Mendip to do what the Local Government Minister required after it was withdrawn: implement provisions for closer cooperation between councils as set out in the objectives of Pioneer Somerset to which, ahem, the Tories are signed up.

Somerset has just secured its highest-ever rating from the Audit Commission, including for its treasury management. As a matter of fact, Somerset is in the middle rank of debtors among shire counties (all those above it are Tory) and operate a £300-million loan account as a recognised, monitored and controlled way to meet service demand.

The Council also has balances - money seconded from Government and hypothecated for specific future uses. It would be irresponsible to let them lie fallow so the Council took the same advice as 110 others, mostly Tory, and put it with EU affiliated and guaranteed banks. The money is not gone - indeed, it is not even due till April - but it is frozen along with other assets while the administrators pick over the paperwork. The most recent indications they give are that the assets equal the liabilities which means Somerset should get its money back.

I sympathise with the Widow's dislike of potholes, but I also invite her to applaud the honest and open democracy of Alan Gloak who is known for giving credit where it is due, and should be praised for offering criticism in the same vein. As to naming an officer to receive complaints from the public, this is the function and practice of council websites up and down the country.

Now, guys, I appreciate that Manifesto dressed up as Panto was a good idea for five minutes, but can we get serious for a moment? Somerset has just been awarded the highest rating in the country for its performance, notably including value for money and use of resources. Messrs Mackay, Osman, Forrest, Barron and Hewitt-Cooper can disagree with me over the accolade but can they disagree with the Auditors?

All together now…OH NO, THEY CAN'T!

Christopher Inge